By Anon.
Like many others before me and since, I had heard the mantra: Don’t Drink, Get a Sponsor, Work the Steps – Your Life Will Change. Maybe like others, I thought of this “change” as being of a tangible nature, things would quiet down at home or in the office (in my case maybe in both places), this financial insecurity thing would be gone and I would be good to go, for life. I mean weren’t my difficulties to be taken away, so as to mark this “way of life” to the newbie just struggling in the door?
With my wife and children back, my job roses, my IRA soaring, I could shout the praises of AA from the rooftops (anonymously of course) for anyone with a problem and an interest, this was my plan. My guy, Owen, then with 26 years behind him, smirked as I explained this and gently responded “More Will Be Revealed.” He wouldn’t tell me what he meant by that quip, just said to integrate it into my 11th Step meditation practice and sooner or later I wouldn’t need to keep asking him, I would know. His unexpected passing in 2011 sealed his silence on providing further enlightenment, but not on the wisdom of his retort now seemingly made so long ago. As suggested, I gave this advice some thought and I listened at the meetings to “hear” him. But while the gift of sobriety did indeed change my life and gave me the beauty of days to experience it I am sure it would not have been mine had I continued to drink, my plan of what my sober life would be like must have been great comic relief for my Higher Power.
As I continued to Live Life on Life’s Terms, I found myself confronted with issues, problems, and just plain-old tough stuff, which I was sure should not have been happening to me, a sober man. These had to be exceptions, they had to be the mistakes in God’s world that are not supposed to be there. Yet as one seemed to exacerbate the other or complicate them both and confound any perception of a solution or way out, my hope was fading. The storm clouds were gathering, life was not looking pretty, in fact, it was getting pretty ugly. I thought of Owen’s advice: More Will Be Revealed. So I asked what step applied, was searching and fearless about the moral inventory I took about today’s problems and made my list. I admitted it readily to myself and my Higher Power, but how to another? I should not have been surprised, but I was, about how the answer to my silent, private question manifested itself.
Literally the very next day, an Oldtimer I had not seen in weeks showed up at my new Home Group for his first time there. After hearing my self-pity clothed in justifiable anger and resentment before the meeting when he made the mistake of inquiring “How are you,” he volunteered after the meeting that I really should consider doing a 4th Step on this and discussing that with my Sponsor. I proudly, and a bit smugly, pulled my notes from my wallet and said I was way ahead of him, I had done so already. Smiling, he asked when I was to do my Fifth Step. My fumbling response confirmed I had not decided on that yet. So when he accepted my request to be that “another human being” I felt vindicated. But, when deciding “when,” he rebuffed the notion of “maybe sometime during one of the upcoming weekends” and offered “now” before we each headed off to our respective jobs-oh my! Gone was my veneer of rhetoric, the rubber was meeting the road – right now, in this moment. The admissions that followed were heartfelt and honest, albeit at times unexpected. As we parted company, I thanked my Listener for his time, his ear, and his making exact the nature of my part in the drama, his were observations I of course had wanted to overlook completely or justify righteously.
In the parking lot at work, as suggested, I reviewed what had just happened -It was then that More Was To Be Revealed. For although I had done a 4th Step many years before, this time it was different. This time, as I reviewed what had preceded these recent admissions and the disclosure and discussion of them, I began to feel something different. Whether it was the nearness of my Creator or not, I would be unable to verify with scientific precision, but it was perceptible, it was real, it was there! Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, this day mine it seemed was of the “slow” variety, but with the work had come the materialization, more was being revealed. Life’s difficulties may have remained, but I knew on this day I was no longer alone when dealing with them. From the power of this way of life, I had instead this victory over them.
