The Point

By Paul B

When I was a child, my mother had a framed picture of a cartoon of a barefoot man with a caption quote: “I was sad that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.” When I was drinking and using drugs I had become so pessimistic and angry at the world that I would curse God, occasionally even shouting at the sky: “why are you doing this to me?!” 

I finally had the thought that all of the bad things I am experiencing are a consequence of my drinking/purging and/or God’s way of telling me I need to get sober. I have since come to believe that if I focus on the negative, am angry or fearful then I get a lot of the same back. 

If I focus on gratitude, love and faith…

Now I start every morning with the serenity third step and seventh step 11 step prayer followed by a prayer of gratitude:

That I woke up healthy
I have clean water to drink
clean air to breathe
Food to eat
A roof over my head
Bed to sleep on
Clean clothes to wear
Friends and Meetings to go to my recovery

Thank you for doing this for me. May I continue never to forget when I didn’t have these things.

Bringing Joy to the Less Fortunate

By Rick R.

How appropriate it seems that there are twelve months in a year, and we have twelve steps in the program. November is often referred to as the Gratitude month, due to the celebration of Thanksgiving. The joy of good living is the theme of Step Twelve, and it blends right in with the December Christmas holiday season, ending with the New Year’s Eve celebration. This time of year does bring joy to many of us but it also brings distress to some of the less fortunate ones who have yet been blessed with the gift of sobriety and peace of mind, in and outside of A.A.

During my drinking days I used to be extremely uncomfortable about the holidays. I never knew how to act around normal people unless I was half smashed. When invited by one of my siblings to Thanksgiving dinner, I felt like a charity case and would rather just hang out at the bar where I felt safe. I never got into the spirit of reaching out to others. My family always celebrated the different holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas. Due to my discomfort, I would always put a damper on it by complaining about the tacky gifts that people would buy for each other at Christmas and the mad rush to go shopping and the commercializing facade that it had become. Any excuse was better than facing me and the miserable wretch I had become. 

 After being sober for several years it occurred to me that I still had some of those same attitudes, and that I was still holding on to them, to some degree, largely due to the inconvenience of it all. I explained this problem to a dear friend once, and he asked,” Does the rest of the family enjoy the holidays?” I said yes. He then said, “Why don’t you just take a back seat and just watch the joy in their eyes as they experience these things.”  I did exactly what he suggested and when I started to observe my wife and two adolescent girls and the childlike innocence and happiness it brought to them, it gave me a whole new appreciation for this time of year. It brought tears of Joy to my eyes. I no longer wanted to be the grouch, putting a damper on the joy that they were having. I have been following this line of thinking ever since and it has changed my whole perspective concerning these things.

 This change of attitude has inspired me to apply the unselfish lessons that I have come to understand and now I spend the holiday season filled with Joy. If it works like that for the holidays, then why can’t I bring it with me for the rest of the year? This has been my mission ever since my friend suggested it.  I am always looking for the opportunity to brighten the lives of people less fortunate than myself. I try to do these things anonymously and without fanfare. I also try to consider the discomfort that I used to feel when I was the one on the receiving end of a charitable gesture. I am careful to do these things in a way that preserves the dignity of that other person. I do not have to wait for the holidays to do these things. Every day is a holiday in and outside of my home. You can believe me when I say:  I reap more than my share of the joy. I hope this brings a new perspective to those who, like me, had trouble enjoying this time of year and I hope you all have a joyful Holiday Season, and many more.

by Christina G

It all started with cake – OK, I should say cake and pain. At the time I had been sober for 10+ years, but after having a couple of babies, I stopped prioritizing my AA program and I drifted away from AA. I was alone and in a lot of pain. I had a moment of clarity and knew I had to do something even though I wouldn’t have acknowledged it, I was definitely heading for a drink.

I found a meeting near my home. Going to the meeting I felt like a newcomer all over again, but I walked in and knew I was right where I needed to be. But this is where the cake comes in. A fellow AA member was an amazing baker and used to make a delicious homemade cake every Friday night – it kind of became an honorary service commitment.

There were many nights that I struggled leaving my kids and prioritizing myself by going to a meeting, but knowing that Joni was going to be there – it got me to come back. Joni is no longer with us but her service of baking cakes got me to many meetings – and overtime turned into the grace of a power greater than myself. It became less about the cake – but I’m grateful to her and her service.

By Michael B

Is bitter better? Does cynicism preserve sanity? These were the questions furiously ruminating through my head as I had sat in a chair in my 24th hour at SF general psychiatric emergency department. I was stripped of my clothes, my belongings and my ego. I was cold, I was alone, I was in nothing but a hospital gown. It was a site I had seen days prior from the comfort of my white coat just days prior as a consulting neurologist. Being surrounded by now fellow patients patients who had also lost hope or who had needed help brought tears to my eyes and humility to my mind and suffering to my heart. I had hit my bottom and I asked God for help. This was just 6 months ago.

Today I am writing this in a writing workshop on unity day sitting beside a gracious humble and beautiful woman who is helping guide me through the steps. It brings tears to my eyes as I put these words to this paper. Because now my mind is overcome with peace and my heart is full of immense gratitude. 

I know only my higher power, who I found through the help of AA, has brought me here today. I don’t know what tomorrow brings, I know today I am sober. 

I am grateful and my cynicism has been replaced by sanity. 

My bitterness has been replaced by grace. 

And the suffering of the past has been replaced by hope.

I know that if I stay close to this program, if I work the steps, if I continue to surrender over and over and day after day I will stay sober. It’s a life of “thy will not mine” and that is just beautiful.

By Alison T

What do I have to say about gratitude? It works if you work at it. Gratitude is a practice. It’s a muscle. It’s an action. It’s a state of mind. Practicing gratitude has changed the way that I look at the world. When I was a year and a half sober my roommate accidentally burnt my apartment down. My rent controlled apartment. 

What happened next was an adventure through gratitude. Gratitude got me to a meeting that night. It got me to speak at another meeting that night. I was just extremely grateful for it. And that me and my dog were safe. And for knowing I would be back no matter what.

That year, while waiting for my home to be rebuilt, I moved at least 20 times. I moved into hostels, friends houses, airbnb, and the homes of other members. I experienced heartbreak and processed trauma. And the whole time I said to myself : 

“I get to grow strong from this. I am so lucky. I am grateful.” 

I was grateful for the conviction that even losing everything I knew I would be okay no matter what. I was grateful for all the people in my life and all the support I had. Sometimes the feeling of gratitude was overwhelming to the point of tears. I would not have been able to survive the fire and the following year if it weren’t for life with gratitude. 

I no longer just survive, even in the case of catastrophe, I thrive.

By Dede H.

What’s cooking Cookie?
How’s life treating you?
Higher Power you know
Let me take a moment
To reflect on where I’m at
I have a headache
A few aches and pains
Take away all that
Breathe in breathe out
Higher Power you remain
Nothing more to be said
Breathe in breathe out
You are the breather
You’re air in my lungs
I will look up now
Never down 

By:  Christine R.

Our book describes the alcoholic personality as being akin to Dr. Jekyll and Mister Hyde. Two personalities in one body. Boy did I relate.  

More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character, the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation but knows in his heart he does not deserve it. BB p. 73

My Mister Hyde I call the Thirsty Girl. An inner saboteur who’s always thirsty for booze, in one form or another. Anything to relieve that inner compulsion or craving. One woman calls her dark side, “that Vile Bitch Upstairs.” Whatever you call it, the voice was alive and well yesterday.  

While at the store, passing a seductive pyramid of Mumm’s Pink Champagne, the Thirsty Girl declared, “Girlfriend – That sure looks good!” Within a twinkling, after years of sobriety, I could taste the bubbly-pinky-sweet stuff. Hadn’t tasted pink champagne in years.  Yet, there it was, “How ‘bout a drink?” Along with the voice came the visual measuring up of the size of the bottle to guestimate how much I could drink in a day. “One bottle?” “Two?”   

I was scared. I think I still am. It takes a habit to break a habit. Kudos to sponsors who train sponsees to call them, to recalibrate the hand to mouth coordination from raising a glass to the mouth to raising the phone instead.  

Picked up the phone and within seconds discovered a women’s meeting right around the corner, starting up soon. Upon arrival, I took a front seat and began to settle down.  

How often have we heard someone say, “The reading today was exactly what I needed to hear.” So of course, the reading came from Living Sober. Living Sober, a title that says what it does. How to live sober, one day at a time, without a bottle. Real simple but not always easy.  

And what were we reading? Staying Away From The First Drink. Another title to say it all. Stay away from that first drink. 

If you don’t take that first drink, you can’t get drunk. One is too many and twenty are not enough.

 The chapter goes on to reveal: 

Instead of trying to figure out how many we could handle, we remember,“Just don’t pick up that first drink.” It is so much simpler. The habit of thinking this way has helped hundreds of thousands stay sober for years.

Certainly helped me stay sober yesterday. The meeting threw a lifeline and a keen reminder to help keep a body sober. Not with the view of  staying away forever. Forever is too vast. Keep it simple. Avoid the first drink. 

Keeping an addictive compulsion down is like keeping a beach ball down under water. No matter how we strive, the ball keeps popping up. Our alcoholism requires a tremendous amount of time, energy, and determination to keep the ball down, to keep our addiction under control and in check. Really freeing to surrender and allow the ball to burble up so we can move on.  

Time is not a tool. All the years away from a drink and still the balloon shows up and coos,“Think me! I’m real.” “No one will know.” “I can do this.” That’s from the Thirsty Girl.

If you’re in an aisle of life where a drink looks like a good idea, as it did for me, move to the other side of the store.  Get some mental health food as you recall, “One drink is too many and 100 not enough.’”

By John W

As his head hit the pillow this night
Knowing this day he had fought the good fight,
He paused to reflect the discipline it required
To see the triggers and not by them get mired.

On Awakening he turned to his daily ritual
So different from the Before and now habitual.
His requests for help with his day’s tasks unspoken,
Their hearing, not granting, witnessed by another annual token.

Each day he found his token, just by the door.
Each day he was sober, now, each day since Before.
No small price to pay on The Toll Road called life,
The fare for his passage, a sober reply to joy or strife.

* * * * *

The Centerline of Life

By Rick R.

We are all born with a Conscience and an Ego. We all have Instincts. As human beings, we are also born with the use of Practical Reasoning, and that separates us from the animals, who, for the most part, live by their instincts. The degree to which these assets and liabilities affect our behaviors differs in all of us.  

“Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper function.” (12&12 Step 4) 

Most normal people make mistakes in their lives and that is normal since no one is perfect. Most alcoholics, however, take their life to the brink of destruction before they become desperate enough to surrender and enter the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Most alcoholics struggle with emotional difficulties that far exceed the normal range. Some of these troubles can be rectified simply by acknowledging they exist and being willing to change our motives and behavioral habits.

Unfortunately, a certain percentage of our fellowship have Deeper Rooted Emotional Problems that are permanent and cannot be cured simply by practicing A.A. principles alone. They are often masked by the use of alcohol.  When a person stops drinking and starts dealing with their behavioral problems, these things rise to the surface in the form of: O.C.D, A.D.D, Bipolar Disorder, P.T.S.D, and many others that can only be subdued by the use of medications.  In some cases, these dull the mind of the patient to the extent that they resist taking the medication and would rather live with the symptoms. Not knowing this, we sometimes misunderstand the people stricken by these deeper-rooted mental conditions and believe, by their sharing, that they are Resistant, Arrogant or Egotistical etc. when displaying behaviors that the average person is not afflicted with. These conditions are not always at the extreme levels.  Each of us, as  alcoholics, have a degree of behavioral problems outside of the normal range, else why would we need to attend A.A. meetings? 

Let us consider the normal range to be 5 degrees on either side of the centerline. The extremes of the abnormal behavioral problems extend out to 50% on either side of the centerline. Let us take Fear as an example. Some people are so fearful they are afraid to leave their home, while others are so fearless  they may dive off a cliff into a pool of water. These are extremes, and we all fall somewhere in between. Those of us who are fortunate enough not to be afflicted by those pre-mentioned mental disorders are blessed in the sense that, practicing the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous, can bring us back toward the centerline and we can lead a somewhat normal life.

For those ill-fated ones afflicted by those conditions, they can stay sober. But the behaviors are still apparent to us and, unless we can recognize and replace the habit of judging them by their outward behavior, we are still outside the normal range ourselves.  When we replace the habit of being judgmental with the habits of Compassion and Empathy, we are somewhat closer to the centerline. We can change all those alcoholic behaviors when we recognize them, simply by looking deeper into our motives for our actions pointed out in the A.A, program. Steps Six and Seven begin this process of recognizing our defects of character, based on our thinking, and changing the shortcomings or actions that result from those thoughts.

 “There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.” (BB pg. 58) 

My question is, do we have the capacity to be accepting when we recognize that some of us have these uncontrollable deeper-rooted issues and that we cannot compare them to ourselves and be judgmental about these difficulties?  Love, Compassion and Empathy are the centerline positions in these cases. They need our understanding.