thepoint_202408

By Anon.

Having done a thorough Step 8 when I first got sober and worked the steps (At least to the best of my ability at the time, which my Sponsor anointed with his solemn approval), I had that experience in the spiritual tool kit I was filling up for the days to follow. Step 10 of course kept me on track as sober days became years, so I thought of Step 8 more as a memory, or in the abstract at meetings, something to hone for use with a sponsee down the road.

However, when the challenges of life on life’s terms hit like a tsunami, abstract thinking, memories, or my idea of what’s good for you, were washed away in the torrent of the “storm” confronted. As instructed, I sought to determine what Step(s) applied to the circumstances at hand. My sponsor, that thorough I want “what he has” kind of guy, of course reminded me that Step 4, the Step to which I was pointed to assist on the arc of life which I was trudging, required a searching and fearless moral inventory. With earnestness he added that failure to fully perform Step 4 lead many guys with more days than I back to the bottle. This was not an attractive alternative at all.

With my new 4th Step inventory completed, I moved through the admissions trice and took the book down from the shelf, which itself had yielded unexpected and marvelous results. To this HP I was now experiencing in a new and wondrous way, I was able to ask that my defects be removed. With all I could muster, I was even willing to make this request straight from my heart and with complete abandon, as rigorous honesty now demands my witness. But the Big Book seems to never let AAers rest on their laurels, its authors knew a drunk like me was in trouble if I did. Instead I was called to more action.

Now I had to make a list of “All Persons We Had Harmed.” Since that “ancient history” had been done and my recent episodes “promptly admitted,” as the effect of now requesting my defects be removed sank in, I had to ask – Whom had I harmed by the expression of these defects this time?

The answer was unexpected, as it was “Me.” Here I was, Making a List, and the first name on it was mine. My sponsor assured me this was not a hidden manifestation of ego, but rather an honest appraisal of the results of my inventory. For while I had developed resentments towards those on my inventory, thanks to my HP and my fellow AAers, I had not acted out upon those resentments. But I  sure let them eat me alive. While I had not taken actions which I regretted or which called for an amend to another, I waxed profusely and profanely in the privacy of my own mind.

I riddled my HP with questions, demanded He conjure up favorable responses to my plightsand, perhaps the saddest of all, denied myself the reality, and worse, my willingness to accept, He had all of these circumstances under control. I forgot I was in His care, an actor on His stage, a worker amongst workers in His field. As this realization was made exact during my Step 5, the reflections suggested by Step 6 revealed it was my shortcomings, my inability to trust my HP, which required attention and change; which demanded I ask them to be removed. To change, I needed to be willing and then humbly ask for the help needed. In that reflection I also saw whom I had “hurt” in the expression of this shortcoming, who needed to be on my Eighth Step List – Me.

Into “the mirror” which my sponsor “held” to assist my perception, I looked at me. I could now see and begin to appreciate just how destructive my thinking and the patterns created had been on me, why I owed “me” an amend. I may not have lashed out at another [thank goodness] as I had fretted with my issues, but I  sure beat myself to a pulp. I did not like the circumstances, but I found I had begun to accept them as they were. Whether mine was to be a tragedy or a comedy, only my Director knew. But as my play of life unfolded, my lines now came more freely for I had through this Step 8 begun my living amend to “Me.”

By Jay F.

I remember when I read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous for the first time and came across the Twelve Steps listed in Chapter Five. Looking down the list of Steps one stood out to me, Step Nine: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” All the other Steps seemed a bit esoteric, but the Ninth Step was one of action. People I knew in early recovery were dreading the fact they had to make direct amends to people. Not this alcoholic. 

For what would I need to make amends? Wasn’t I the one who was harmed by drinking? I never stole money, drank on the job, or anything as horrible as other people had done. In my mind I had not harmed anyone, my actions were “victimless crimes.”

They say the Steps are in order for a reason, and my experience proves this to be true. Before we can make amends in the Ninth step, we must first work Step Eight: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” With the help of my first sponsor, I set out to make the list, and there were quite a few people on it! I soon realized that I did in fact harm others during my drinking career and needed to make amends for my behavior.

My life up to that point had been one of constant lying and pursuing my obsession to drink to the detriment of those around me. This was especially true to the people closest to me, most notably my immediate family. They figured prominently on my list. The selfish notion that I was the only victim proved false as we went through this Step thoroughly and honestly. I will add that going through the list with my sponsor was critical, as his experience, strength, and hope helped to guide me. 

My sponsor also stressed that the key word in this Step is “willing.” As we went through the list, he kept reminding me that I must be willing to make these amends for the promises to come true. If I was not yet willing, then I should make conscious contact with my higher power and summon the willingness. As it says in the Spiritual Experience Appendix II in the Big Book: “Willingness, honesty, and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery.” He was fond of pointing out that “everything is in the book,” which seems so obvious all these years later!

So, list in hand and willingness in my heart I completed Step Eight and was ready to make amends. Any fear I had about approaching people to take responsibility for my actions was gone.By making a list of all the people I had harmed I was holding myself accountable and became willing to look at my part. This was but one step towards my journey to live a life as a sober man and practice the principles of AA in all my affairs. The Twelve Steps are truly a design for living that really works if we are willing to do the work.

By Christine R.

“Does the noise in my head bother you?” From the comedy, “The Gods Must Be Crazy,” we can laugh at the shared experience of our inner loudspeaker because we know it so well. Whether a suited-up Wall Street executive or unemployed bib-overall worker, people enter the rooms saying, “My head is driving me crazy.” 

In olden days, we called this “The Committee.” Often the Committee arrives at a standstill of 5 to 5. A back-and-forthing, teeter-tottering into analysis paralysis. Rather like a rocking chair: Lots of rocking – leading nowhere.      

Whatever we name these voices, we can ask ourselves, who is doing the talking and who is doing the listening? The brain is the Yacker. The Soul is the Listener. Our job is to live in the Listener; to support the Listener, not the Yacker. Sober Brain vs. Sober Mind.  The brain is individual. The mind is vast, of Spirit and universal. Along the way, we come to realize the gut and the heart also have minds. Hence the universality of, “Follow your heart,” “I had a gut feeling,” “I intuitively knew.”

Bill says it best “… with the new God-consciousness within, what was common sense would thus become uncommon sense. I was to sit quietly when in doubt and ask for courage and strength to meet my problems as He would have me.”¹

In Step 3 we turn the issue over to God. “Relieve me of the bondage of self.” Freedom from the noisy brain. I have a circular pin around which the circumference reads, “Turn It Over.”  Round and round it goes as over and over throughout the day I turn the button to read, “Turn It Over.”  “Many times each day…. Thy Will not mine be done.” ²

A highlight to this dilemma comes from a sponsor who said, “You know you are working the Steps when the voice of your conscience sounds like your sponsor.”  Indeed, 33 years later I still hear Barbara’s voice in reply to my whining about the Program, “Before you go out again, (as I was about to do), call your friend who drank recently.  Listen to how great it is to start again as a newcomer with your hand up for 30 days.  Listen to how hard it is to get over the craving and the obsession with alcohol.  Have the privilege of listening to someone else for a while.”  With her voice ringing in my head years later, who is the listener here?

In AA we speak the language of the heart, and the ear is the avenue to the heart.³ The remedy comes from the privilege of listening to you. The privilege of listening to others in meetings silences the Committee and the Monkey Mind. 

Give the Monkey Mind a spiritual banana with a mantra like “Be Still.” Put a leash on that puppy as it yaps away about the past and the future. Skittering back and forth through puddles of despair, self-pity, fear, resentment or hate. My visual is a tape player. Press the “Play” button and up comes the internal story line like: “He said. She said. He did. She did.” With a case of the “He-She’s” we lose perspective and are challenged to see our part in things. Time to press the “Stop” button. Or better yet, the “Erase” button and move on.  

A litmus test to determine our spiritual fitness is heard when we find ourselves conversing with people who aren’t there. The Think-A-Thon ensues as we chat it up with invisible people or imaginary situations, particularly while driving. To return to spiritual awareness, a little Indian brass bell called a God Bell dangles from my rear-view mirror. Swinging back and forth, as I swerve, dodge, and shout invectives to people not in my car, the tinkling bell restores my sanity. A God Bell, a Singing Bowl, the purity of sound, and our listening for that sound, draws us home to prayer and to peace.

1. B.B. p. 13 Bill’s Story ↩︎
2. B.B. p. 88 Into Action ↩︎
3.  Voltaire ↩︎

By John. W

My guilt when I began was all I had sought to acquit.
After years of denial, sobriety let me reveal my secrets at last.
My “rational lies” about my alternative facts of life no longer fit,
Replaced by an honest inventory I thought was a gift from my past.

But as the awakening grew and brought focus to my vision with it,
Slowly I saw that for My Future had I my recovery been given.
Only by the excesses from before, could I climb from my horrible pit,
My alcoholism demanding that my recovery would by My Future be driven.

Now revealed, I saw I had arrived Not By My Past, but For My Future.  
My prize was a broad highway and the opportunity to trudge the road.
I discovered with each Step taken, I could my new life nurture,
Unveiling on my journey, life’s wondrous beauties to behold.

                      Harms were listed, amends planned and undertaken, the past freshly swept,
                      The promise of a new freedom and a new happiness, one day at a time, kept.