By Jay F.
I remember when I read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous for the first time and came across the Twelve Steps listed in Chapter Five. Looking down the list of Steps one stood out to me, Step Nine: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” All the other Steps seemed a bit esoteric, but the Ninth Step was one of action. People I knew in early recovery were dreading the fact they had to make direct amends to people. Not this alcoholic.
For what would I need to make amends? Wasn’t I the one who was harmed by drinking? I never stole money, drank on the job, or anything as horrible as other people had done. In my mind I had not harmed anyone, my actions were “victimless crimes.”
They say the Steps are in order for a reason, and my experience proves this to be true. Before we can make amends in the Ninth step, we must first work Step Eight: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” With the help of my first sponsor, I set out to make the list, and there were quite a few people on it! I soon realized that I did in fact harm others during my drinking career and needed to make amends for my behavior.
My life up to that point had been one of constant lying and pursuing my obsession to drink to the detriment of those around me. This was especially true to the people closest to me, most notably my immediate family. They figured prominently on my list. The selfish notion that I was the only victim proved false as we went through this Step thoroughly and honestly. I will add that going through the list with my sponsor was critical, as his experience, strength, and hope helped to guide me.
My sponsor also stressed that the key word in this Step is “willing.” As we went through the list, he kept reminding me that I must be willing to make these amends for the promises to come true. If I was not yet willing, then I should make conscious contact with my higher power and summon the willingness. As it says in the Spiritual Experience Appendix II in the Big Book: “Willingness, honesty, and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery.” He was fond of pointing out that “everything is in the book,” which seems so obvious all these years later!
So, list in hand and willingness in my heart I completed Step Eight and was ready to make amends. Any fear I had about approaching people to take responsibility for my actions was gone.By making a list of all the people I had harmed I was holding myself accountable and became willing to look at my part. This was but one step towards my journey to live a life as a sober man and practice the principles of AA in all my affairs. The Twelve Steps are truly a design for living that really works if we are willing to do the work.
