By John. W.
‘Twas to be the jewel so long missing
From the crown belonging upon my head
The gold star of my progress commemorating
The passing to another of the Step lore I had wed.
Armed with this attitude, my first attempts failed.
So eager to preach, to promote, I forgot humility.
Attraction got lost, no surprise my targets had bailed.
My inventory when honestly taken exposed the roots of my futility.
My failures still confirmed, the work brought me a release,
A shield I could don, forged from the fire of intensity
Stoked by my work with others who suffered and sought peace.
To them I could be useful, in humility I had the propensity.
With renewed spirit and as The Promises began to be fulfilled,
I reveled in the joy of the accomplishments and success.
That “More Will Be Revealed” had not yet in me been instilled.
Thus, when the other’s slip occurred, on it I did want to obsess.
“You’ve Got Some Nerve” was a feeling that seemed
So justified in the having and so selfish upon reflection.
A great sponsor I was, when joy and smiles to me beamed,
Yet when “my guy” slipped, all I beamed was consternation.
While I professed it to be more at my shortcomings than his,
I managed to sow a resentment that had he but listened to me
This relapse would never have happened, nothing would be amiss.
Of course this was crazy and through my insanity’s fog I began to see.
My sadness was real, my friend had returned to hell
I was not sure if he could escape his choice and recover
Or if our powerful disease would cause him to never get well.
To live or die the stark choice, soberly I knew there was no other.
As days passed while his drama unfolded in rehabs remote,
My meditative ways left me to ponder my side of this street.
So mesmerized had I been by pride and the urge to emote,
I had forgotten the steps I had trudged, the soul for which my heart beat.
For me another bottom it wasn’t, instead an awakening it became.
I couldn’t “fix” my guy any more than I had “fixed” myself.
I could carry the message, but his disease was his demon to tame.
A hard lesson learned, but with it too came untold wealth.
