30 07, 2023

Broken Heart – Healed Heart

By Christine R

Every now and then we need a blessing that’s NOT in disguise. We want that blessing front and center – not hidden in the background waiting to surprise us down the road. Even so, here’s a story of an unexpected blessing in disguise that really did pop up down the road.

There are times when our fisted feelings can hold onto a resentment like a child with a favorite rock.  No matter how long, often, or hard we try, we just can’t open that fist.  An experience turns into a grudge, turns into a resentment, turns into a desire to retaliate.  All these rolled into one are what I’ve been dealing with over the past few months.  Use the verbiage “dealing with,” and already there’s trouble. Someone’s trying to control.  That someone was me.

The rock I glommed onto was toward a former friend/sponsee.  Continual no show and disappointment became firm bedrock for the stream of unfulfilled words, “Call ya sometime,” and “See ya soon.” Rolling around in my head into a well-worn groove comes that merry-go-‘round of anger, resentment, retaliation.  Prayed all our AA prayers.  Used the Golden Key.  Screamed my ass off. Walked a labyrinth.  Lord Above!  I called His Holy Name.

Then came The Truth Reminder, Desi-Lu.  The answer to those prayers drove right up to the Cabin when relief was needed most. 

Driving home after prayer time in the wilds of the Marin Headlands, the Inner Voice said, “Stop by the Cabin.  Make sure everything is okay.”  While standing in the doorway, up comes a large, white, blacked-out windowed SUV.  The passenger was the most beautiful Mexican Woman I have ever seen. Exquisite. Radiant as the Sun and Moon together, she smilingly inquired if a bathroom was nearby. Seeing she was not an axe murderer and really needed help, I invited her into the Cabin.

The moment she stepped from the car, the lady pointed to my jade green heart pendant and said, “You are wearing my heart.  You have my heart pendant.  You have my heart.”  Pointing to her own heart, sure enough dangled the mirror image of the one I was wearing.  My 80-year-old pendant was my mother’s prized possession. Now the same green heart is before me round the neck of this perfect stranger, a woman in need.

Instant heart connection.

Upon entering the Cabin, she introduced herself as Desi-lu from Stockton.  Then she said, “I don’t know how to tell you this, but Spirit tells me to tell you to drop the rock.  Something is blocking you.  There is a big blessing coming your way and you don’t want to miss it.  If your fists are closed around this rock, they won’t be open to receive the blessing.”

“Let go of whatever it is you are holding onto.  Drop the rock.”

Oh My God. This truth-talking angel dropped in from out of the blue and far way, not associated with Alcoholics Anonymous, to tell me exactly what I needed to hear.  How could I tell?

Because I burst into tears. Desi-lu took me in her arms as I unleashed a waterfall of tears.  Tears from awakening to what I thought was anger and resentment to discover a broken heart. A hurt heart.  Resentment was covering grief. Relief and release came as she gently repeated, “Let it go.  Let it go.”  In this clasp, my hands were around her waist.  I could feel the long black hair like a cape of running silk.  A goddess was holding me, sobbing my eyes out.

As we exited, I recalled the meeting’s bounty of extra doughnuts.  “Are you hungry?  Would you like something to eat?” She allowed as all they had were snacks for the lengthy journey home.  The Back-To-Basics Meeting had all the basics, including sweet bread to see a body through.

We exchanged numbers.  I hope to see her again soon.  All I have to do is go to her Desilu Facebook page – to get a reminder of what was so desperately needed and so freely given. A broken heart was healed. The Love from the Cabin spilled out into the courtyard and on into eternity.

Thank you, Desi-lu.

30 07, 2023

Upon Awakening VIII

By John W

Who cares to admit defeat

Or that I, not you, caused the harm.

Ignorance is bliss, why sound the alarm?

Still the silent echo screamed: “Be Complete”.

What lengths would I go, to encompass “all”?

“Any” was the vow, could it I keep?

To drink was the alternative, that price too steep,

Unless them it hurt, no amend too tall.

30 07, 2023

It’s Early

By Dede H

The house is rumbling early 

Pitter patter of little feet on the floor 

My husband is grumbling clearly

A Yorkie is scratching at the door 

I’m here writing with my Muse

Yet I am the student of Everything

Each day I ponder gathering tools

You watch me faithfully Knowing

Someday I will figure it out 

One day I will give up give in

Stop fighting and forget to shout

This is when I will truly win

I hear You and We write it here 

Thank you Higher Power 

For Whom I have a Name 

A secret I will one day share 

Listening to You is my Solvent

I have little need of anything else

My dogs, my ladies and gents

May realize This in themselves

30 07, 2023

I Do not Understand Thermodynamics

Where is All This Warmth Coming From?

By Richard R


I came to Alcoholics Anonymous bankrupt in every department. When I started to take the steps, my first big challenge was to find a power greater than myself that could solve my problems. What an order for a guy who they describe in Step Two in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions as the one who “had tried religion and found it wanting.” I could see the examples of people around me who seemed to have figured it out. I became a nuisance trying to corner them to get them to explain to me how they did it, and they had the same trouble explaining it as I did. One day I confronted my friend, Jim, and asked him to let me in on the secret. Frustrated, He asked, “Do you want to drink right now”?

My answer was “NO.” He then asked me, “Did you want to drink a year ago?” And my answer was “YES. I could not go a day without it.” Next, he asked me “What made the difference?” My answer was “I was influenced by the A.A. program” His next question was, “Do you have any Problem calling that God?” WOW! What a concept. I have never wanted a drink since I entered the program and the only answer I could produce was the influence of A.A. in my life. For a guy who could not conceive of a day without alcohol, to a guy who never wanted a drink again, was all I needed to know about God. I wish I could tell you who or what God is, but I cannot. I can, however, tell you what God does for me, but I will get to that later.

Appendix II in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Spiritual Experience, indicates there are many examples of spiritual experiences. They come in different forms. They can be of the Burning Bush variety or a Psychic Change enough to bring about recovery from alcoholism. Or, as I like to believe, my spiritual experience came in the form of a profound “Change of Perception.” When it occurred to me that all my thinking was flawed and that I was finally in an environment where I could, with the help of the group, start to follow simple unselfish guidelines that would restore my self-esteem and put me at peace with myself and others, I started this wonderful journey and I never had it so good. These universal truths are common in the meaningful philosophies of life. I must seek them out if I want to heal.

I pray to God every day, even though I do not know who or what God is. My mind is not evolved enough to understand God and I am not sure that God hears my prayers. But  I HEAR MY PRAYERS and that, I believe, puts me in the best possible attitude I can have about the issue I pray for. My prayers are always the same. I pray for knowledge of His will for me and strength to carry it out. That is, God please show me what to do and please give me the strength to do it. I do not do well on my own. I often knew what to do but was not always strong enough to do what was right. Today I am stronger. Who or what is God? I am not sure anyone can define God. As a friend of mine, Will, explained, “You do not have to understand thermodynamics to enjoy the warmth of the sun. However, I do know what God does. When I ask for guidance, I become a better receiver. I hear the answers that used to pass right over my head when I thought I had all the answers.

Today, I thank God for an open mind.

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