By Bree L

My Higher Power or God was never an integral part of life before A.A. Early on, I prayed up to heaven, looking for someone or something to emerge and help. I prayed a lot, even hugged a couple trees believing God was above and in nature. I fully appreciated a somewhere-God and cried a bit but not much happened. I was still the lone person praying to the heavens for deliverance.

Later, I became an avid Christian and God moved down from the sky to the church wall. God, the holy man was up front, at the alter on a cross surrounded by stained glass and Holy Water. That God was visual, an image I could see and relate to, but he remained at the church. After services, I knew I was alone. In between, I said a lot of prayers, went to a couple retreats and tried to live a Christian life on my own, but I was still going it alone .

Coming into A.A. they talked about a Higher Power. I couldn’t call it God because I already knew where God was located. But A.A. said I could have any God or Higher Power I wanted just as long as it wasn’t me. I decided to take God down off the wall and move him into my heart. The task was to think with my heart rather than my head. My mind is good for many things like paying bills, doing the laundry and putting in a good day’s work but my heart is more the architect who is wiser with more experience. Today I ask myself, “What does my heart say?” and have guidance with which I’m always comfortable.

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