by Christine R
“When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than anything we could have planned.” Page 100, Alcoholics Anonymous.
A prospective sponsee: boozy, red-faced from shame and weeping. For anonymous purposes, we will call her Luna. A sister-woman seeking help from another; looking for open hands to hold hers; open ears by which to listen; someone open to sharing their experience, strength, and hope by working the Steps; guiding her from the present-day disaster of incomprehensible demoralization into the Sunlight of the Spirit. All bridges were burned including some photos of her only child, a daughter from whom Luna was deeply estranged.
You can get sober and stay sober, regardless of anyone
As with most alcoholics, Luna left chaos in her wake: DUIs, time in prison, theft and deceit toward family, friends, business associates, and loved ones. Theft both of money and of trust. The latest screaming match and belittling of her daughter left both daughter and mother in shellshock, with neither of them able to text or talk. Shameful silence became the painful backdrop.
Over and over in tragic tones, Luna spoke of losing her daughter’s affection because of Luna’s alcoholic, abusive behavior. Her negligent, rageful and self-pitying conduct created a chasm of space and time, seemingly impossible to bridge.
When asked about photos of her daughter, Luna replied, “I tore them all up or I threw them in my daughter’s room with all the other trash. I don’t have any photos.”
I replied, “How can you get your daughter back if you can’t visualize her with you? How can she stay with you if her room is full of trash?
Then the words came to me: “You can get sober and stay sober, regardless of anyone. The only condition is that you trust in God and clean House. So, trust me. And let’s start cleaning house.”
Trust God means working Steps 1 through 3. When we admit to the God of our understanding we are powerless over alcohol and our difficulties, we no longer come from a place of fear. We come from a place of trust. Trust in God’s will for us is to: Step 1. Get sober. Step 2. Get sane. Step 3. Get serene
Gently building on one another. Sober. Sane. Serene.
Clean House: “Clean up your daughter’s room,” I said. “Bring out photos of you and your daughter together. Let’s start where we are.” Luna found the crumpled photos of her with her daughter; straightened them; and used them to decorate her dining room table . Within days, the daughter began to text her mother.
Theft both of money and of trust
As the daughter’s room began to clear, the daughter not only sent Luna a Mother’s Day a card, she called her. The daughter called Luna. For the first time in six years, mother and daughter spoke in loving terms. For the first time in a long time, the daughter got to hear her mother say, “Honey, I’m sober 40 days.”
She got to hear her mother was supported by a sponsor, attended daily meetings, and had accepted a Power greater than herself.
A Visa card of $50 was included with the Mother’s Day card. When Luna got a manicure, to get “tips,” we created this photo to send to the daughter as an assurance: Luna’s hands, on her sponsor’s Big Book, on which is written the Serenity Prayer. Our hands, in God’s Hands, together for the creation of Sobriety, Sanity, and Serenity.
