by Jackie V.
Alcoholism is like a colicky baby. If your life is like a bunch of spit-up, it’s telling you there’s work to do to get the burp up. There is a bunch of stuff to avoid and even more you could do everyday, or else your life will be as unmanageable as a screaming baby (all day and all night).
I’ve been in and out of the rooms for years now. I was very worried about going to meetings and having to start over again looking so pregnant. But the day before I went in for my C-section, I hobbled into the Chips and Salsa meeting, raised my hand and celebrated a month sober. It was so embarrassing… but I was applauded and congratulated like never before.
I was very worried about going to meetings and having to start over again looking so pregnant
I felt so welcome, yet the guilt of that need for a shot of liquor a day keeps nipping at my heels. The worry has eased because the very next week I came in and was welcomed back so warmly. Everybody made me feel so comfortable. I couldn’t believe it! Now I truly believe that that in itself helped heal me.
Life as a new mother in A.A. has so far been very busy. At times I worry when the baby is fussy because what I eat affects his temperament. I can’t have milk, cheese, eggs, garlic, chocolate, sesame, most green gassy veggies, or beans. Now that takes some real determination being all hungry, a new mom and stuff. Same goes for sobriety: What we put into our bodies affects our behavior and thinking. If only we ended up screaming our heads off, maybe after the catharsis we wouldn’t be so “alcoholic. ” Sometimes I imagine alcoholism is like that, or wish we realized its effects to that degree, so we would all learn after the first drink.
![](https://aasfmarin1.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/jackie-julie-johnson-uCr6VI7Kwfk-unsplash-683x1024.jpg)
Once one of my favorite old timers left a meeting early due to the baby’s fussiness. Other times I’ve left due to the baby being inconsolable. But I try to get in as much as I can at meetings and that is always the goal. I make as many noon meetings as I can to stay sober. Sometimes I’ll get very self-conscious imagining what somebody might think, so I pass on raising my hand at anniversaries. Other times when asked about my sobriety I keep it at, oh I had a slip when he was conceived… But it still holds true how I am supported in my sobriety and do get encouraged when I speak up. And I thank my son for what a great motivator he is. Even though he doesn’t try, or know what that means yet, he’ll give me a coo and smile. In between feedings, burping, changing and troubleshooting his needs, I share what I’ve been learning because everyday more is revealed to me—this saying is so true.
Can’t you see the sparkle in my eye?
Oh, before I forget, if you know me, I’m an alcoholic, can’t you see the sparkle in my eye? LOL, had to have been there I guess, but now the baby gets all the attention and I so appreciate all the love and help we get in the rooms. Thank you!
I seem to be a rare find as there aren’t many other moms at the meetings I make. But there’s a playdate for that: San Francisco Public Health Nurses Dana and Steph have started a wonderful meeting at 2226 Taraval, the Recess Collective, every first Wednesday of the month from 1:00 to 3:00 P.M. And we’ve finally gotten a changing table at 2900 (24th Street at Florida), so if you are a new mom and need a meeting, 2900 is baby-friendly now.